Anxiety Almost Ended My Relationship

At the beginning of my relationship, I experienced panic attacks almost daily. The strongest ones occurred on the weekends when I wasn’t distracted with work and weekday routine. Weekends were also filled with date nights, since we both worked on the weekdays. I hated hiding the fact that my panic attacks made it difficult to go out, but I had hope that the anxiety wouldn’t become a stressor in our relationship and I felt like telling him the truth was a major risk.

I was falling for him and talking about my anxiety came with the possibility of losing him.

During the first few months, we fought A LOT, to the point that we had contemplated on breaking up over and over again. Unfortunately, it took me a while to realize that my anxiety was the cause of these fights so The topic never came up.

My realization came on one particular Friday night when I cancelled date night because I wasn’t “feeling well”.

I was getting dressed for dinner when a panic attack suddenly hit me. It lasted a few hours and I was not in the proper mindset to go out. My eyes swelled up, my head ached, and the last thing I wanted was for him to ask, “what’s wrong?”.

Plans were officially canceled that night and he was not happy about it. He knew that “not feeling well” was a BS excuse because I had used it before. He said he knew I was hiding something from him and he was finally losing his patience.

Once he sent his last angry text that night, I got into bedfeeling guilty and pathetic for repeatedly making excuses.

This was my last chance to tell him the truth.

It was late at night when I finally felt the courage to talk him. I knew he would be sleeping so I sent him an email.  It would have been best to speak with him in person, but I needed to do something to put my mind at ease for the night. The email  also included a link to an articlethat provided an explanation of anxiety from a doctor. I figured that a doctor would be best at explaining anxiety during a moment when I felt too emotional to think straight. Here’s what I sent: 

His response:

His response was all that I needed. The heart was his simple way of saying that he loves me no matter what and that he knew about my anxiety.

He was just waiting for me to open up and be honest with him.

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It’s been a little over a year since that night and we still argue here and there, like any normal couple would. Only now, we are more mindful of each other’s thoughts and feelings during upsetting situations. Best of all, he’s made an effort to learn more about mental health and has become my biggest supporter.

He pushes me to fight my fears, holds my hand during panic attacks,  motivates me to write, and encourages me to not run away from my therapy sessions. 

Our two year anniversary recently passed and we decided to reflect on what we have learned about each other and relationships.

I shared that I learned about the importance of  communication and to be more mindful when we fight.

As the one with anxiety, it’s important that I understand that he won’t always understand and that’s ok!

As for my boyfriend, he has learned to be more calm, patient, and understanding.

Although this is his first time being in a relationship with someone who has anxiety, he believes that this is the strongest relationship he has ever been in. 

Even though people believe that anxiety only weakens relationships, I view that notion as a misconception.

Speaking from experience, dealing with anxiety in a relationship provides the opportunity to understand and love your partner more deeply.

All that is needed is honesty, communication and patience.

7 thoughts on “Anxiety Almost Ended My Relationship

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  1. Wonderful post. Communication and honest are the keys. It was hard at first to tell my now hubby why I was always canceling. Now we are so close he can see an anxiety or panic attack coming and steers me away from the source.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi! Thank you so much for reading and for sharing! I’m glad that you were able to connect with this post and that things worked out between you and your hubby! 🙂 and the fact that you have someone to help you is incredible! Love hearing stories like yours

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post! As the wife of someone who suffers from anxiety and other mental illnesses, it’s important to understand each other’s sides. Communication on both sides is super important in any relationship, but especially when someone is suffering from something ‘silent and invisible’. I know for me, my knee-jerk reaction is usually to figure out a way to fix everything, but I’ve realized my focus should be to just be supportive, hold his hand, and ride out the storm together. Again, great post, and thank you for your courage in sharing your journey with us ❤

    Like

    1. Hi James! Thank you for reading and for the kind comment. I actually just finished reading one of your posts and was inspired by your strength. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your posts! Take care and stay strong. We got this 💪🏼

      Liked by 1 person

  3. What a great post Lidcey! I have been suffering with anxiety for many years now. Within the past few weeks my mother has caused me to suffer from anxiety attacks three times. She doesn’t believe anxiety is an illness. So, she will never apologize for her actions. Which makes me feel worse and heightens my anxiety even more. My mother is in her 70’s and it has becoming harder to have her see what she is doing to me. It is hard to deal with but we are all in this together! Stay strong Lidcey!

    Like

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